Ember
by angelps7
Summary: Not meant… used to… These are the last words I see as yelloworange flames consume the parchment. Dramione for now. Not one of my favs, but oh well....
1. Chapter 1

**A/N** at bottom.

**Disclaimer**: I do not own any of JKR's stuff.. especially not her 1 billion dollar networth.. haha lucky her!

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**Embers.**

_Not meant… used to…_

These are the last words I see as yellow-orange flames consume the parchment.

It wrinkles, slowly wilts, and turns gray; it succumbs to the heat, finally collapsing to the pressure and turning into dust.

Dust and gray petals. That's all that is left.

Gray, wilted petals… like our love.

Well, I can't say that; you never did love me, did you?

You might have, but I don't know.

I never will though.

You see, we were too different. We still _are._ It's hard to set aside differences… to forget a past fuel by hatred and… fire.

No; it was nothing like this fire; the one in this fireplace; the one I sit here watching, drowning the voices beside me. The sensitive voices, the ginger blurs of shapes.

_This_ fire is contained. This fire has an outlet. Its fumes escape out of the stone chimney. This fire is warm, and comforting; its roars and cackles are music. The flames of this fire are evident; they dance, they ripple… and the color… the color warns.

It warns danger and consequences if one were to come near it.

This fire: it's nothing like _our_ fire. Our fire is uncontrollable. The heat seethes from our bodies when we are near.

I know you can feel it to; I see the pink flush on your face.

Our fire has no outlet; no escape; it has nowhere to fume but within our own hearts. So we live with it. It begs to burst, be we keep it in; so we live with it.

At least, I know I do.

I try to.

Our fire is cold; it is bitter, demeaning, and mind shattering. I do not feel comfortable; instead I feel nervous, protective, self conscious.

Our roars are heartbreaking, the cackles mocking.

And yes, I do see flames. We both do, I think. You see brown; a plain, normal brown; because that's what you seek- normalcy and acceptance. You see a sparkle and interpret it as hope. And you don't seem to know how to respond.

Your flames are blue and dance in your eyes. They convey a passion that I've never seen before. When we argue, your eyes are so fierce that I feel like exploding if I don't look away. It's this burning desire that keeps me rooted to the spot; unable to move and unable to think. Why do you have this effect on me?

Blue… and deceitful. Rather than lull me into calm and tranquility, they lure me into a trap. A hurtful trap. Unlike the ginger flames before me… yours do not warn.

I much prefer the first; it is safer.

How can I protect myself then?

Can I-

No. I can't fall for you again.

I won't. Remember?

I promised.

But oh… it burns. It aches to see you every day… several times a day… to sit next to you and to not speak. To not touch, to not approach.

Do you not feel the same?

Do you ever have these desires?

I often wonder what goes through your head, and I never figure it out. I understand that you hide it well; behind those flames.

I don't know which saddens me more: your reluctance or your disapproval.

But I'll think of it no more. A parchment burns in the fire, waiting for my attention. It is eerily captivating and I watch it wither away...

Just like our relationship; wilted, gray, ash.

I hope we can talk one day.

None of this avoiding, staring, or silence.

Just know that I am over you. I did this for you; you wanted it, right?

I know because you told me.

So when I see you and your girlfriend (whomever she may be) holding hands, I won't care. And when I see you snogging? I won't mind. And when I see you together at graduation, content, I'll smile.

And if someday, I unfold the Daily Prophet and the headlines read, "Youngest Malfoy to be Wed!"… I'll be happy. I really will be.

Because you wanted me to be, remember?

I can't stop lo-

But I'll try.

This letter was meant for you; but you don't need it. I just told you everything.

This fire is alive.

Ours became vanishing flicker.

_Not meant… used to…_

Broken fragments of my thoughts.

The flames swallow these last four words.

Don't worry, I'll be fine.

I'll be happy.

I promise.

……………………………..

_Rnum vale -_ _Farewell forever_

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**Author Notes**: well… What do you think?

I wrote this last night while watching the fire grow and die down… lol it's quite inspiring :)

Review please?

I'd like to know what you thought of one of the few angsty fics I wrote :)


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N:** see bottom! Haha

**Disclaimer**: again, I own nothing!!

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I closed my Transfiguration book, completely finished with the day's homework. It was a difficult day. Being Head Girl on top of the year's classes was exhausting. I collapsed onto the couch, giving in to my aching muscles. Just as my heartbeat relaxed, I heard the portrait open. Draco walked in (more like sauntered in), headed past me and straight to his room. I sighed, closing my eyes.

Do you see me?

Do you hear me?

I know you can, obviously you're neither blind nor deaf. But _do_ you?

Will you?

That's all I want.

A glance would be sufficient.

A smile… even a grin, or a shrug… that would keep me going.

A word spoken… _that_ would make me very happy. But I know _that's_ impossible.

But maybe a smile?

A motivation to survive the day. The long, boring, prisoner of a day.

Please?

A response would be nice. Something to know that you… you at least know I exist. Is that too much to ask for?

Hardly.

_I'm_ watching you like a mouse. A glance my way could hardly be too difficult.

I do it all the time. I constantly make sure you are near me, close to me… but is it all in vain? Do you notice my desperate but subtle attempts?

Do you see me?

Do you notice the small changes in my attire each day… the extra touch of eyeliner and lip-gloss, some blush as well… trying to look beautiful, _naturally_, just as I've heard you say you like?

Or do you notice that you affect my mood?

You light up my face with a single joke in class; you light up my face just walking into the same room; you light up my face with your crude comments and avoidance of me… because you force me to adopt my mask. The one that says 'I don't care.'

The one that makes it hard to detect what I'm truly thinking or feeling.

Do you know I'm pretending?

Do you see me?

_Yes,_ says my mind.

I closed my notebook. Put my quill away.

I heard footsteps. Draco bounced downstairs again and went outside.

Without a backward glance.

Do you see me?

_No,_ says my heart.

_He doesn't._

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**A/N**: What do u think? As you can see, I don't have the ability to be fully sad… I made Draco 'bounce' down the stairs… it amused me lol. I'm not sure where this is going for now… just random drabbles I guess. Tell me what you think and maybe I could make something out of it?


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